


just a second

by Whisperingly (Glammons)



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Peter Quill, Developing Relationship, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-03-19 23:53:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18980935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glammons/pseuds/Whisperingly
Summary: *Potential Endgame Spoilers, Read at your own risk*Peter Quill needs to get his act together. He needs to find Gamora. He needs to fix his mistake. But most of all he needs to get the God of Thunder off his ship before he either kisses him or kills him.





	1. Scanning

It was was dawn and Peter was at the bridge again, dark circles under his eyes, betraying that he still hadn’t slept. The other guardians were still asleep he assumed since no on had come up yet, and the only sound was the quiet hum of the ship. They had docked on Xandar for a few days, picking up a contract, seeing what had been repaired since the destruction that Thanos had brought five years ago. The answer was - not much. The entire planet was still a swath of damage, but they were rebuilding - someday it would reclaim its former glory. 

Peter signed running the search again. He had face the harsh reality at this point that Gamora hadn’t been blitzed back into existence. However it was still habit to run the search, hoping that  _ maybe _ , just  _ maybe  _ she was still out there. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if that hope vanished. He felt like he was already on the edge of self-destruction. 

“She is gone, trapped within the soul stone.” Thor said, appearing at the entrance to the bridge. Peter didn’t say anything, just clicking run again. That time more out of spite. “Star-lord? Have you considered any other courses of action?” Thor asked his voice just as gravelly as before. Peter didn't say anything just staring at the search as it ran. Then he stood up, walking away from the table. 

“Unless you have a suggestion that might actually be helpful I don’t want to hear anything from you.” Peter snapped, pointing one finger at the God of Thunder. He hadn’t even wanted  _ him _ to be on this ship, and he certainly didn’t want his suggestions about how to find Gamora. It had been hard enough. He had watched her be torn away, he had failed her, he had seen her tear stained face be pulled into a portal, Thanos arms around her. He didn’t need Thor’s pointless comments.

Peter stormed back to his bunk. Flopping down on the bed, hands over his face. Everyone had tried to talk to him at this point - but he didn’t want to hear it. He yanked his zune headphones over his ears, ignoring the stirring as the other on the ship rose and started to make their way around the Milano. At least he still had the ship. He snorted half to himself, lost his girl, the only real relationship he’d ever had, but at least he still had this. With the rest of the team. And Thor. Who sat in Gamora’s chair - mainly because there wasn’t another chair, but it was still her chair. Her bunk was untouched, Thor had set up his things in the cargo hold - at least some things were sacred. 

It was few hours before Peter emerged from his cabin again, going straight to kitchen to rummage for some ratios. He poured one straight into his mouth before someone cleared their throat behind him. He whipped around, to see Drax standing in the corner.

“Seriously? Could you say anything?” Peter said, and the -wtf is he anyways- moved to sit at the table eyes still boring into Quill.

“We need to have a serious discussion about the way you speak to Thor.” Drax said after a few moments.

“Come on man, lay off. He’s annoying and full of himself.” Peter said, waving his hand at Drax.

“I am not laying on you? Also I do not know how Thor could have eaten himself as he appears to only be missing an eyeball and that would not ‘fill him up’. He is only trying to be friendly, and you rebuck every effort. We are leaving Xandar for a mission shortly, and I know the entire team would feel better if you weren't so hostile to him.” Drax said, folding his arms over his chest as he spoke calming to the half-human. Peter didn’t say anything. He put one hand over his eyes, angling them down. Part of him recognized that he wasn’t being particularly fair to Thor, but part of him thought, that if maybe they’d just stuck together if he hadn’t dragged half the team across the galaxy, things wouldn’t have ended the way they did with Gamora. It wasn’t fair. And he knew that, but if he wasn’t angry with Thor, then the only person he could be angry at was  _ himself _ . And maybe that was his cross to bear. 

“I’ll talk to him.” Peter said after a few moments. Drax nodded, and Peter turned and left. He walked up to the bridge. Rocket, Groot, and Thor were preparing for departure. 

“Uh Rocket, Groot, and I have the room for a second?” Peter asked.

“I am Groot!” The tree chirped, more than happy to get out of work for a few moments. Rocket gave Peter a suspicious look, but nodded nevertheless. He left, shooting one last look over his shoulder.

“No fistfights Quill, we have somewhere to be tomorrow.” Rocket said gruffly, yelling back from outside.

Thor looked up, sitting in Gamo- _ his _ chair.  Peter sat down in his struggling with what to say.

“You don’t have to say anything Star Lord, I should apologize. If anyone understands loss it is I, and I should not have pushed when yours is still so fresh.” Thor said clapping his hands together.

“I’m still sorry man, I promise I’ll do better. Just, please, don’t say anything about Gamora again.” Peter said, looking down at his hands and not meeting Thor’s eyes. He heard the man rise, and felt his hand on his shoulder.

“I will not. But I have asked some people some questions. To see if there is a way to recover her from the soul stone, even if it is gone, the soul world still exists.” Thor said, looking down, and Peter’s eyes snapped back up to his. 

“You think there’s a way?” He asked, his eyes going wide wringing his hands together. For the first time he was looking up at Thor and didn’t feel pure disdain. The blond man, hair shoulder length now, let a smile break across his face. Peter felt his heart leap in his chest.

“I believe we may be able to find one.” Thor said quietly, his hand still on Peter’s shoulder, blue-green mismatched eyes looking into hazel. “Well, I shall go tell the rabbit that we are ready for departure.” Thor said, breaking the moment and heading down the stairs. Peter shook his head, fighting down that spark of joy. It wouldn’t do to have it crushed again.

Peter leaned back in his chair, flipped several switches that would further prepare the ship to leave. They had taken a mission to recover some stolen artifacts for a merchant on Zandar. Tracking them down had been difficult, the thief seemed to know his way on how to avoid them, but eventually they had determined where he was. And for the first time in the past three weeks Peter felt like his head was a little clearer, setting aside the fluttering feeling Thor’s eyes had lit up in his chest.

********************************************

It was several hours and about 10 jumps later when they arrived on Galileo. It was one of the plants Thanos had purged in the year before the snap, and it was still filled with chaos. Losing half the population, and then losing half  _ again _ had not bodded well for the inhabitants. Thor looked out the front windows, unbuckling himself and going to stand at the front.

“I visited here once, 200 years ago. I remember the festivals could have rivaled Asgards. Now it’s….” Thor said his voice trailed off as he surveyed the dirty streets, run-down buildings, and lack of life.

“It’s sad.” Mantis said, her antennas twitching eyes going wide as she surveyed the small city as they descended. “That even after all this time, the havoc Thanos brought still hold supreme.” There was a shorty moment of silence as they all considered the rest of the universe - still reeling, that was interrupted by a ship exploding on Groot’s game. 

“Well, we have a job to do. Let’s find this Kree, recover this artifact so that we can get paid.”  Rocket said, turning and grabbing Groot’s video game, despite the tree’s ‘I am groot!’ in protest. 

Peter, nodded, steering the ship down to dock at the port. It wouldn’t do to get caught up in the pain of another planet - they had too much on this ship alone. He tried not to think of the gloves Mantis had started to wear when on the ship - afraid to touch anyone - especially him - their pain enough to cripple her. 

It took a few minutes of coordinating, Peter strapped on his guns, Rocket grabbed his, Mantis picked up a sword she had been practicing with, removing the gloves. Thor was sitting at the edge of the ship, swinging his legs off the edge.

“Ready?” Peter asked him, this would be his first official mission as an actual guardian. The god nodded, stretching out a hand, Peter cringed at hearing something in the  back of the ship be knocked over as Stormbringer flew into Thor’s hand. “Rocket’s going to kill you if that break another part of the ship.” Peter said, sitting down next to Thor. He tuned out whatever argument Rocket was having with Mantis and Drax in the background.

“The rabbit is much smaller than me, I think I can take him.” Thor said, bumping his shoulder into Peter’s. The god of thunder still wasn’t as fit as he had previously been but a few weeks of working out had started to make a difference. It helped that he had shaved off his beard and cut his hair to shoulder length. Looked less like a homeless psychopath, and more like the attractive man he was. 

“You’re cool with this? Not  exactly saving the world.” Peter asked, looking over at Thor. The man smiled half to himself.

“I think I’ve been done with saving the world for quite some time.” Thor said, running his hand over Stormbringer. He looked over at Peter again, giving him the smirk.

“Come on, we've got work to do. Now that I’ve finally convinced Drax that Mantis riding on his shoulders is  _ not _ and effective means of battle.” Rocket said, walking over, and jumping down to the ground.

“ _ What? _ ” Peter said, giving a perplexed look back at the other two. 

“I still think it would be a great advantage against those enemies that are taller than me.” Drax said, before following Rocket. Mantis looked more concerned than anything else - Peter guess the empath hadn’t exaculty been on board with the idea. 

“That’s...I won’t even bother.” Peter, said, pushing off the edge and jumping down. Thor laughed behind him a deep gravelly sound. The god jump off, landing a few feet in front of Peter. “Show-off.” Peter muttered under his breath, ignoring the kick Rocket threw at his leg.

“Let us go and complete this mission, Guardians!” Thor announded, walking swifting in what Peter wasn’t even sure was the right direction. Still the enthusiasm brought a small smile to his lips.

 

*******************************************

It was a few hours later before they found the cave that Rocket’s sources swore the Kree they were looking for was hiding. The Guardian’s moved forward slowly, Peter in front, Rocket and Thor off on the other side, Mantis and Drax behind Peter, and Groot a little farther back. 

Peter, waved his hand up, gesturing for the others to stand back as he crept forward to the edge of the entrance. He peaked in the side trying to get an idea of what the team was going to face, he swept the space with his eyes, barely recognizing the danger that was right there before he felt a weight slam into, his side, knocking his back behind the rocks as heat  _ rushed  _ out of the cave.  _ Fire. _ Peter, yelled putting his hands up in a move that would have been too late, but a form already crouched over him, waving their hands as the other Guardians dove around the flame rushing into the cave.  _ Thor _ . Peter, stood up as Thor stepped back allowing the half-human to stand. Peter shot him a look, which Thor didn’t see as he headed into the cave. Mantis stood over the Kree hand on his head, face in deep concentration. As Peter watched Drax halled the Kree to his feet, locking the handcuffs around his back. Everything had gone to plan except that he’d almost gotten his face burnt off -  _ idiot.  _

Rocket walked up behind him holding a device in his hands. “Look, I found Quill’s potential murderer!” The racoon said, holding up what looked like part of a flamethrower. “This is impressive, designed to automatically fry anything that moves in front of the cave.”

_ Stupid _ . Should have known, should have suspected. Instead had to have Thor save him - the god was the only reason he wasn’t a pile of melted Peter Quill by now. He pushed down the burning pit of resentment that was building inside of him - he’d  _ promised _ the team that he’d be nicer to the God of Thunder. Being nicer for three hours wasn’t exactly what they’d had in mind.

He ignored Rocket, following Thor deeper into the cave, the man’s back flexed as he reached down scooping up a pile of books - the very artifacts they’d been hired to collect. He turned around a roguish smile on his face.

“Success!” He announced, the smile cracking wider across his face. The majority of Peter’s anger fizzed at that. How could anyone be mad at that face?

“Let’s get these, and the prisoner back to the ship - don’t know who else is out here.” Peter said, part of hims still trying to regain some control over the group.  He reached forward, arms brushing against Thor’s chest to take half of the books. It was only about six books total - Peter knew that Thor could easily carry them but he couldn’t give up everything. 

 

******************************************************************

It was a couple of hours later when they were back on the Millano- the Kree safely turned into authorities on Galileo, their contract didn’t cover him. The bounty on his head was nice enough. Thor had secluded himself in the kitchen and was going through the books meticulously. 

Peter was in his room headphones over his ears as he listened to his Zune. The next song faded into the last  _ I met a devil woman. She took my heart - _ . Peter cut it off, skippin to the next song which was much less  _ inflammatory.  _ Filled with a spark of inspiration he pulled out his transponder typing out a quick message to Nebula.

_ God of Thunder not as bad a I thought. Thinks there’s a way to get Gamora out of the soul world, stone’s apparently not the only entrance. He’s trying to find a way - I’m trying not to smash his skull. Tho’ I have realized that Gamora’s death is more my fault then his. Thought you’d like to know. Let me know if you have any leads.  _

 

  * __Star-Lord, Peter Quill__



 

He re-read the message before shrugging and clicking send. He’d done his due diligence - reached out to Gamora’s sister like he thought she might have wanted. To his surprise he received a reply almost immediately. Titled ‘Entrance to Soul World’.

_ Quill - _

_ I too have been looking for an entrance. No leads yet, had a good one, turned out to be nothing. Will look into anything your so called ‘God of Thunder’ finds.  _

There was no signature but that didn’t really surprise him. Nebula wasn’t the type for titles. Peter nodded to himself, ignoring the sinking feeling in his chest that she’d not found anything - that’d she’d been looking. And all he’d been doing was scanning for her over and over. 

Peter laid on the bed for a few seconds before deciding that he needed a drink. He stood up, abandoning the headphones on his bed, headed for the kitchen. He walked into the kitchen barely noticing Thor still at the table, until the god said something while his head was in the fridge. “This book speculates about a method to free a person from the soul world.” 

_ “What? _ ” Peter said, practically banging his head on the top of the fridge as he spun around. The beer fell out of his hand, hitting the bottom of the fridge before rolling off across the floor. 

“Within this page the author speculates that one who makes a similar sacrifice of their own life may be able to reclaim one life from the soul world.” Thor said slowly, turning the book to show Peter the passage. “It was done once - with some success they thing, but the one who was saved threw themselves off the cliff in anguish of what -” 

Peter cut him off ripping the page out of the book. It was only that passage - only speculation. “I’m burning this. She wouldn’t want anyone to even consider this - she’d hate herself.”

Thor nodded, not saying anything as Peter tossed the page into the incinerator. “I will continue to try and find another way.” He said instead. “I have spoke to seven different contacts, experts in interdimensional travel and they all say there is no way that they are aware off.” Thor said the last part off-handly like he didn’t realize that it would be a gut-punch to Peter.

“ _ Seven? _ ” Peter said, his face falling. Thor seemed to realize his mistake, reaching over to put his hand on Peter’s.

“I still have several people to talk to - I promise if there is a way I will do everything in my power to find it.” Thor said, giving Peter a reassuring smile. Peter ignored the way that smile made his heart jump again as he met Thor’s mismatched eyes.He pulled his hand back, breaking the moment, and pushing whatever  _ that _ was away for now.

Peter nodded, trying to push about the sense of pointlessness that threatened to consume him again. He grabbed a beer from the fridge - abandoning the one that had rolled across the floor. He retreated to his room - pretending not to notice Thor’s eyes on his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. This is all mainly set-up, do you love it? Do you hate it? Am I horrible at writing? Just let me know in the comments.


	2. Raiche

        Thor stared after Quill as he disappeared off around the corner with the alcohol. He wished that he had better news, he wished that he hadn’t told Quill that he had spoken with seven people and still had no answers. He sighed putting his head down on the table.

       “What troubles you? Is Peter being...aggressive?” Mantis asked appearing in the doorway behind Thor. Thor didn’t respond a small smile curving his lips. Peter had apologized and tried to be better since then - Thor knew it had been at the teams prodding.

       ”I may have made your Captain a promise I can’t keep.” Thor said raising his head to meet Mantis’s eyes. 

        “Peter is used to disappointment.”Mantis said, her voice brightening. Like this was a solution. And Thor couldn’t be angry at her about that, he knew she was still learning the intricacies of social interaction. Something he understood since he struggled as well.

“I do not wish to disappoint him, if I can remove some of his pain I will strive to do so. I understand the loss he feels, and would wish it upon no one.” Thor said, folding his hands on top of the books. Mantis didn’t say anything, she nodded once - putting a hand on his shoulder for a split second, she winced once pulling her hand away. “I’m sorry.” Thor said. 

Mantis smiled, and turned to leave. So much pain. She couldn’t make sense of it, but their was hope there too. Maybe a sprinkle of love? Attraction?. She couldn’t make sense of it. She couldn’t bear too touch Peter or Thor for more then a few seconds, it felt like half of her senses were being cut off. It wasn’t sadness, it was  _ pain _ . That cut through her and dug like a burr into her mind. She shook it off, retreating to her bunk.

Thor closed the books stacking them carefully on the table. Hopefully their contract wouldn’t notice that page was missing. He stood up walking down the hallway towards the cargo hold. He paused for a second outside Peter’s door, hearing the music playing softly inside. He raised his hand, and considered knocking before shaking his head and continuing down to the hold. 

It was inevitable that he would end up here. Thor thought as he settled on the edge of the bed in the cargo hold. He quite liked it - being with the guardians, going on silly pointless missions just for credits. Sure sometimes they helped people, defended others, but at the end of the day they had a job and they did it. It was...nice. He enjoyed not being accountable to a people or the universe. Now his only problem was...Peter Quill. 

That man was….he reminded Thor a lot of himself. In the months after the snap when everything seemed pointless. Maybe that was the reason Thor didn’t care what Quill said to him. Maybe that was the reason that he was determined to help him. It couldn’t possibly have to do with the fact that he found the man ridiculously attractive. He would do this for anyone he considered a friend. And he considered all of the guardians his friends - even the one that didn’t particularly like him. Whom he would do anything for. 

Yes. It had nothing to do with his attraction towards Peter Quill.

**********************************

The next morning Thor was scrolling through his messages - he’d finally gotten an ‘e-mail’ that the other Avengers had told him he needed - when one in particular caught his eye.  _ ‘Potential Entrance to Soul World’  _ Thor sat up, opening the email.

 

_ To His Royal Majesty Thor Odinson, True King of Asgard,  _

_ I made some inquiries after initially brushing off your questions. I do not know if this is true the science behind it is wispy at best, but I have heard that there is a place on Raiche where the fold between our world and the soul world is wispy at best. It is believed that you can sense the presence of souls and even step between. _

_ -Yameis _

Thor took a deep breath staring at the message. It  wasn’t a promising lead. It was a start, but it wasn’t promising. He’d already spoken to someone who had tried to rip open a portal at one of these points, and it had failed over and over and over. Even Bruce Banner had said it was impossible. But maybe...maybe it would show Peter Quill that he was serious about helping him find Gamora. A slight bit of hope. He stood up, pulling on a fresh shirt and some pants before heading up to the upper decks.

The flight deck was manned by Rocket, talking to himself as he messed with some gadget or the other - Thor didn’t disturb him. The rest of the ship was quiet as he hummed moving quickly through space. He walked up to Quill’s door hearing the quiet thrum of music, just like last night. He knocked once. There was a bang inside like something had been knocked over. 

After a few seconds Quill appeared at the door eyes red looking like he was half asleep. Hungover. Thor should have known when he saw him disappear with three beers under his arms last night. 

“I have some information. Come down to my bunk when you are….ready.” Thor said, not quite wanting to interact with Quill in his state. He turned without waiting for a response and disappear back to the cargo hold. 

To his surprise Rocket was there, waiting for him. The rabbit appeared to have been relieved briefly of flight duty. 

“Hello!” Thor said cheerfully, plopping down on the bed and turning to face the rabbit.

“What’s going on with Quill?” Rocket asked, not doing any plentries. It wasn’t his way. That seemed to be an excuse Thor made a lot to the other guardians. 

“He is in mourning. He and I are on a quest to find a way into the soul world.” Thor said, looking at Rocket with a confused look. The entire team knew that Thor was trying to find a way to get into the Soul World. They weren’t, ‘cautiously optimistic’ wasn’t the right word, ‘thought this was a fool’s errand’ was better. 

“No, I’ve seen Quill in mourning - this isn’t that. I’m worried, and it takes a lot for me to worry.” Rocket said, now pacing in front of Thor. “He doesn't lock himself in his room, he doesn’t drink by himself, he hasn’t annoyed me in weeks! And that thing with the flamethrower? I’ve never seen him make a mistake like that it’s like a reckless -” Rocket said, and then stopping, almost like he was cutting himself off. “All I’m sayin’ is that this isn’t normal.” 

Thor didn’t say anything. It was true that he didn’t know Peter, not as well as everyone else did. But he did know what this kind of loss was like - if anyone on his ship understood that kind of pain it was him. It still tore into him, a giant wave that he had worked to push back. It was...manageable now. Especially when he had a purpose. Quill had a purpose too.

“Rocket, this kind of pain, it changes a person. He’ll figure it out - I did.” Thor said, leaning forward on his hands. Rocket had doubt in his eyes - surely remembering the few years Thor had spent drinking himself to death in New Asgard. But he hadn’t had a purpose - if he’s had a purpose that would have never happened. That would never happen to Peter Quill. Rocket nodded, not looking convinced, and reluctantly turned to leave.

“When something happens don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Was all he said, disappearing to the upper decks again. 

It was an hour after Rocket left that Peter appeared at the entrance to the hold. Thor realized this was the first time the human had been down here since Thor had moved in. Peter had a sour expression on his face.

“What is troubling you?” Thor asked stepping forward - resisting the urge to put a hand on Peter, it appeared to him that human prefered not to be touched the majority of the time, and certainly not when his mood was foul. 

“Nebula found a extremely promising lead, and it was  _ another  _ dead end.” Peter said, glancing down his expression a mixture of desperation and anger. “It’s not  _ fair _ everyone else got to come back, and she was more of victim then them all.” 

Thor did not respond to that. It wasn’t that it was untrue more so that there wasn’t anything he could say that Peter didn’t already know. 

“I found a place where the veil between our world and the soul world is thin. Everyone I’ve talked to has said that a portal is impossible to open, but I think it might give us some information. I have a sensor. It might be able to track the energy signal to find similar sites, where a portal might be possible.” Thor said all this quickly waving his hands. Bruce could explain it better than he could, all he had to go off of was two emails. Just because a portal couldn’t be entered from this site didn't mean there wasn’t one that a portal could be opened at. 

Peter’s face flipped from one extreme to another, a grin. Like new hope had been restored in his chest. For the first time Thor wondered if this was too much - if Peter’s hopes were too high. If he realized that what they were trying was...not likely to succeed. Thor decided that maybe it didn’t matter - they were just trying, Peter had to understand that right? 

 

****************************************************************************

With a quick word with Rocket, Peter had gotten the pod put together and ready to go. He didn’t know what Thor was doing - he guessed getting the biometric scanner ready. All he knew was that this was a chance, a real chance. No one had been able to find one of those. It was enough for him to ignore Rocket’s sigh, Mantises concerned looks, and Drax’s frown. Groot had been too busy on his game to bother with what he was up too. So he sat in the pod, and waited. It was about 10 minutes before Thor walked in, taking a seat opposite Peter. A bag slung over his shoulder - likely containing the scanning device. 

“Where to?” Peter asked at once turning to meet Thor’s eyes. His heart jumped again in his chest as the god gave him that roguish smile.

“Raiche.” Thor said, typing in the coordinates quickly. “You know this is just a chance? I have no promises that this will actually work?” Thor said slowly as the pod detached from the main ship, shooting off. 

“Come on man, don’t ruin this. It’s going to work.” Peter said, raising his hand and brushing off Thor’s comments. He knew the other man didn’t want to get his hopes up, but he didn't have hope. He had certainty - anything he’d ever set his mind to he’d figured out eventually. Surely with all the contacts between the Guardians, Thor, and Nebula they’d find a way in. It was inevitable. “It  _ has  _ to work.” He muttered that last part half to himself, under his breath so that Thor wouldn’t hear.

He wasn't this person. He wasn’t this person who sat locked in his room. Who refused to go out with the team. Who yelled at everyone. Who carried so much pain inside him it hurt to be sober. Thor made that ache go away just a little bit, because Thor had given him just a little hope. And that was something to cling too. 

 

*****************************************************

When they arrived on Raiche they found an uninhabited waste-land. It took a few minutes for Peter to survey the area from the pod before snapping on his mask and stepping out. It was a ghost-town. It was almost as if you could hear whispers in the trees. Screams. Peter stepped closer to the edge of the woods, drawn towards some of the sounds.

 

*****************************************************

 

Thor slowly climbed out of the pod looking around. The entire planet appeared to be in ruin, likely the close contact with the Soul World had driven the people that lived here to insanity. The main force of the Soul World have existed in the stone, but pockets, moments existed elsewhere. The idea was that Gamora was trapped in one of these packets and they would be able to access it. She hadn’t died like the other soul’s - she had been sucked in. But seeing this Thor wasn’t sure if that was the case anymore. 

He set up the device, ignoring the whispers, not noticing that Peter was wandering off. He hit a few controls, setting it up to return signals to the main ship before turning to tell Quill that they could go. That’s when he noticed the human had become entrapped by the  _ voices _ . Oh no. Thor paused for a second listening; his mother, Loki,  Heimdall, other people that had been ripped away over the years. He snapped back to reality running towards Peter, but it was too late. The human sunk to the ground hands over his ears.

“Quill! Quill! It is a trap come with me.” Thor said, grabbing the man up, the human barely reacted, his entire body stiff. “Peter!” He said firmly, and the man loosened enough to let him drag him back to the pod.

Thor threw Peter roughly into his seat, hitting a few buttons and the zoomed off, rushing away from the plant’s surface. Thor glanced over, watching as Quill relaxed into his seat, removing his hands from his ears.

“I heard them. My mom. Ego. Yondo.  _ Gamora _ . All whispering that it was…” Peter trailed off, but he did not have to finish. Thor knew that the soul world pulled people in, tried to tell them how all the things they agonized over were all there fault.

“I should have warned you. That was not them.” Thor said, clicking another button as he located their ship - which was almost to Xandar. 

“Doesn’t matter. Everythin’ they  said was true.” Peter mumbled to himself.

“What was that?” Thor said, glancing back at the other man his eyes confused. Peter looked down at his hands. 

“Nothing.”

****************************************************************************

When they got back to the ship that was the first time Thor thought that he might have made a mistake. That maybe he should have left well-enough alone with this entire situation. But Peter Quill with those sad-puppy dog eyes, how could he tell him no? Even if him never getting Gamora back improved his chances. 

Quill didn’t say anything the entire ride back, despite Thor asking him if he was okay at least three times. When they finally docked back into the Milano, Peter stormed inside, slamming the to his  room behind him.

Rocket came out of the kitchen, looking between Thor and the now closed door. He shook his head, and Thor didn’t wait for the ‘I told you so’ before also storming back to the cargo hold, he flopped down on the bed. Checked the scanner. Nothing. It had all probably been pointless. And now Peter hated him more then he already had. 

 

******************************************************************************

The slam of the door behind him did nothing to calm Peter’s nerves. He ran his hand through his hair, and aimed a kick at a basket of clothes by the door, before punching said door. He didn’t even feel  _ anything _ at the impact with his hand. 

_ Worthless. Let me die, your own mother? Pointless. Everything I did to create you and you couldn’t even save me. Are you even the same without part of me? All I asked was that you shoot me. All I asked was that you didn’t let him take me, and you couldn’t even do that.  _

“ARGH.” Peter screamed, throwing his hands up in fists at the ceiling. Every doubt he ever had culminating, every decision he’d ever questioned pouring it’s doubts into his mind. 

God, he hadn’t even kept it together for Thor. Thor. Who’s eyes made his heart jump. Who he didn’t like to touch because of the spark that happened every time their hands met. Who he felt like he was betraying Gamora for even if  _ nothing had happened _ . Peter sighed, grabbing one beer from his personal fridge. Then another. Then another. Then another. And he lost count after that. All he knew was that it was dark when he stumbled down to the cargo hold. 

“T-Thor?” 

********************************************************************************

He could not sleep. The events on Raiche plagued his mind. The scanner was working even now, but it had yet to find any similar points. And if Thor was being honest there was no chance that those points would even allow access to the soul world.

It had been foolish - that was what he recognized now. He should have never encouraged this fools errand - he should have known  _ better _ .

“T-Thor?” He heard from the doorway, and he sat up recognizing the voice as Quill’s in an instant. And he was drunk - or maybe that wasn’t the right world, what did they say on Midgard -  _ wasted?  _ Thor turned towards the door, arms out as Peter stumbled over to the bed.

“How much did you drink?” Thor asked, only a little bit surprised when Peter fell forward into his arms. He wrapped his arms tight around the other man, as Peter basically crawled into his lap curling up. 

“Lost count.” Peter muttered head on Thor’s chest, looking up at him. Thor scooted back so that they were more on bed - slightly concerned that Peter would just go tumbling off. “You know I think you might be the prettiest person I’ve never seen.” 

Thor’s heart stopped in his chest for a split second, did that mean? No. Peter was drunk - he couldn’t be held accountable for anything he said, it did not mean anything. The man was hopelessly in love with Ga-

His own thoughts were cut off as Peter surged upwards pressing his lip’s against Thor’s. For a split second Thor didn’t react before he pushed back, lips working against the other man’s. He broke off first, gasping. 

“Let’s talk about this when you’re sober, come on I’ll take you to your-” Thor started to say, shifting the man in his arms as he made to pick him up. 

“Please just let me stay here. Just sleeping. I don’t want to go back to that room alone.” Peter said, clinging tightly to him. Thor sighed. This wasn’t a good idea, but he laid back on the bed pulling Quill down with him. Thor wrapped his arms back around as the man curled up, holding him tight. 

“If that’s what you want.” Thor said, in an almost whisper. Peter nodded sleepily against his chest.

“Can I ask you something? Do you really think we’ll find her?” Peter asked, his voice breaking a little. Thor sighed tightening his arms. 

“For you I wish I could bend the cosmos, but no I don’t think we will.” Thor said his voice forlorn. Surely this would lead to Peter leaving, stumbling off. But the man didn’t more from his place in Thor’s side.

“That’s what I thought.” 


	3. Desperation Breeds Recklessness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. I know this chapter is super, super, super late. But in my defense we just got a new puppy - she's very cute, also a lot of work-, it's been crazy at work, and I'm working on applications for veterinary school. But enough with the excuses! The chapter is here, so read it.

When Peter woke up the first thing he realized was that he was  _ warm _ , warmer then he’d been in months.The second thing he realized was the Thor’s arm was slung around his waist, giving that idea that at one point he’d been pressed much closer into his side. The third thing Peter realized was that his head was pounding. He closed his eyes groaning as the events of last night came rushing back. 

Had he really done that? Had he really come down here and thrown himself into Thor’s arms? Peter held back another groan, not wanting to risk waking up Thor, and having to deal with his situation that he’d landed himself in. He carefully extracted himself from the god’s arm, sliding off the bed. He sat up, stretching his hands up and ignoring the now familiar pounding in his head. He really needed to stop drinking himself to death every night. He glanced over at the scanner in the corner of the room.  _ ‘No matches’  _ it blinked. Peter’s heart sunk down in his chest.

            Gamora was probably dead. Her soul was most likely obliviated like the rest of the soul stone. Thor hadn’t said it in as many words but Peter could see it in his eyes, he’d been able to see it in everyone’s eyes while they took part in this mad quest for the past eight weeks.

Peter quietly made his way to the door, and up to his own room. And now he’d done it. Repressed every feeling he’d had since Thor had joined the crew. All of it coming out in one drunken night when he’d felt just a little bit too sorry for himself. Because he did like Thor. Probably more than he should. But how could he want Thor, and still love Gamora? He didn’t know. 

Peter closed the door, walking in circles still running his hands through his hands through his hair. His hands were shaking again. They seemed to be doing that a lot lately. He looked at them, studying the bruises on his right hand. Like hitting the walls would solve the mess he’d made. 

Still it helped the anger that was building in his chest. He slammed his right hand into the wall again, hardly noticing when two of his knuckles split open, blood dripping down. He slammed the hand into the wall again. This was just so fucked up. It wasn’t  _ fair. _

Peter opened the door again. He couldn’t stay here. He made his way through the ship, moving through the kitchen. Groot was there, sifting through the fridge. 

“I am Groot?” The tree said half turning. Peter could hear the question, the concern in the young tree’s voice, but he brushed past ignoring him. He made his way down another ramp, basically stumbling at this point to the pod. All he knew was that he couldn’t stay here. Not now. 

“Quill?” He heard behind him. Rocket. He half turned glancing over his shoulder. “Where are you going?” The racoon asked stepping forward. Concern evident on his face. And that’s what made Peter pause. The concern - because Rocket was never concerned. 

“I can’t stay here. Not...I can’t stay here.” Peter muttered clicking furiously at the control panel.

“Quill, come on, calm-” Rocket said, stepping closer, hands out. Peter glanced up - no one else was in the hallway. He had to leave before the others were roused. 

“Didn’t you hear me? I can’t stay here - I’m going.” Peter said, clicking one last button, and stepping into the pod. The door swished shut as Rocket darted forward. Peter watched as the racoon tried to click some buttons, but it was to late. The pod backed out and then shot out into space. Peter was gone. 

 

**************************************************************

“Thor! Lighting-man! Asshole!” Thor woke up to a small foot kicking him in the ribs. He rolled over groaning - unused to sleeping so deeply. He sat up slowly a yawn stretching his face as he rubbed one hand over his face. 

“What’s happened?” He asked, looking around. He noted that Quill was gone. Likely left sometime that morning - he’d have to find him later, discuss what had -

“Quill took off in the damn pod this morning!” Rocket practically yelled, and Thor was more alert within the next second. 

“ _ What? _ ” Thor said, sitting up, and quickly standing, already looking around for his shirt. He pulled it on while Rocket yelled.

“I told you something was off, I told you it was too much, I told  _ you _ -” Rocket stopped, groaning as he rubbed his hand over his face. “And now it’s sound like I actually give a crap about Quill.” 

Thor took a deep breath, putting one hand on his face, he pushed it up pushing his hair back. He took a deep breath. 

“Set a course for Vormir.” Thor said, scooping up his axe and heading up to the flight deck. “I know where to find him.” 

Thor gave Rocket a dark look. He wasn’t sure what they’d find on Vormir. He did not know what Quill had planned, but if he knew anything about his motivations he knew where they’d find him.

Not for the first time Thor regretted ever reading what he had in that blasted book.

*****************************************************************************************************

“Why do you think that Quill came here?” Drax asked as the Millano slowly began the descent to the planet’s surface. Thor didn’t say anything but he could feel the team’s eyes on his back. They knew that this information was coming from him.

“There is some evidence that if one throws themselves off these cliffs the soul that was lost will be returned.” Thor said, standing up to stare out the window as the Bentar got closer and closer to the surface. Mantis gasped, while Rocket sighed.

“Why would Quill believe something so idiotic?” Drax asked. Groot’s eyes were wide, and he set the game down on his lap.

“Desperation breeds recklessness.” Thor said, scanning the edges of the cliffs. “There.” Thor said, his eyes focusing in on the pod parked behind a small sandy slope. The Bentar shuddered as it came to a halt, landing a few dozen feet away from the pod. Thor headed down to the cargo hold intent on getting out and finding Quill. He paused as the rest of the team made to follow him. “Let me handle this.” 

“Like hell!” Rocket snapped grabbing up one of his guns. “You made this mess, you’re just going to screw it up more.” He continued pulling his backpack on. Drax didn’t say anything one hand on his chin as Mantis hovered next to him, hands twined together over her heart. Groot let out an ‘I am Groot!’ in defiance, agreeing with Rocket.

“You don’t understand - none of you understand! Let me talk to him. I can - I -” Thor started to say, struggling to fully express why he had to fix this, why he was the only one that could. 

“Understand? I lost my wife and daughter. My entire planet. I too understand this pain.”  Drax said suddenly his voice low and dark. He looked over at Thor from his seat. “Don’t pretend you are the only one who can understand.”

“I am not...I don’t…” Thor said, pacing back and forth in front of the entrance. “I did this. I ruin everything I touch. I can fix this. I can fix this.” Thor said leaning against the side of the ship with one hand. Rocket didn’t say anything, his eyes boring into Thor. This speech was reminiscent of his thoughts after the snap. Rocket knew - perhaps one of the only ones on this ship that knew the true scars that still lingered on the god’s mind. 

“Then go.” Rocket said after a few seconds. Thor paused, nodded once giving Rocket a half nod, his face grim. He turned leaving the ship. The rest of the team watched out the window as  the God headed up the cliff. Rocket only hoped Quill hadn’t already thrown himself off that cliff. 

**************************************************************

Thor made his way up the path. He thought about the others who had made this walk, and those who had lost people and those whom had not. The soul stones had been denied to many. The red skull was gone now - no stone no need for him. All that remained was the path and the tall cliff. That was what Thor found Peter sitting at the edge of, swinging his legs like he wasn’t at the spot where his girlfriend was murdered. 

“Peter?” Thor said was he walked up behind the self-proclaimed Starlord. Peter halfturned, glancing back at the God.

“You know you never called me that.” Peter said, looking back over the cliff as he surveyed the desolation that was Vormir. 

“Called you what?” Thor asked as he stepped closer. Amd with a moment of hesitation lowered himself to sit next to him. The Milfguardian did not seem troubled by the move, his eyes staying focused forward. 

“Peter. It’s always Quill or Starlord. Never Peter.” He said after a few seconds. “I’m sorry about last night, it was stupid. Desperate. Won’t happen again. I promise.” Peter said, glancing over at Thor. The god's face was unreadable. Thor nodded after a second pushing away the sinking in his chest. This man was in pain. He wasn’t looking for the same things Thor was - he was trying to escape his own desperation. He hadn’t moved on to acceptance like Thor had. And that was okay.

“I was afraid that you would throw yourself off. The team -. Everyone was very worried. I regret filling your head with hope. I just...wanted to take some of that pain away. But I didn’t help, did I?” Thor said all his doubts coming out in a rush. Peter signed heavily after Thor was done, reaching over and putting one hand on the God’s shoulder.

“I thought about it. I still might. But I can’t do that to them, to you, to  _ her _ .” Peter said his voice breaking at the last word. “I thought that coming here I would get some peace - go back to the person I was before, but I think that Peter Quill died with her.”

Thor didn’t say anything for a long moment, he reached over placing a hand on Peter’s leg. The other man kept his hand on his shoulder. “You can come back from this. It is hard, but I did. I came back from it.” Thor said, his voice low and gravely.

“I don’t want to spent the next five years in a drunken haze beating myself up over my mistake. The last two months have been enough for a lifetime. I...I think I need….” Peter said roughly, and Thor didn’t react to the slight against him. It was his great shame, that he had spent that long in squalor before pulling himself out. He wouldn’t wish that ...devastation on anyone. Maybe he should have done something to help Peter more, gotten him something that he’d wished he’d had.

“What do you need? Anything - I’ll find a way to - anything.” Thor said quickly staring at Peter with more convection. He would fix this.He released the man’s thigh placing both hands on his shoulder instead. 

“I need help. Professional help.” Peter said after a long moment. Thor nodded at once, already standing. 

“I know of a place on Ea- Xandar - they can help you.” Thor said, first thinking of Earth, and then quickly switching to a planet more familiar to the human. He knew that man did not want to return to Earth - during the battle against Thanos had been enough 

“Thanks.” 

*************************************************************************************************************

Thor took Peter back to the ship quickly, ferrying him back with an arm around his shoulder. Peter didn’t say anything the entire trek down or up into the ship. Rocket had already docked the pod back into the ship. The team descended on them when they were walking up the ramp. Peter kept his head down not making eye contact. Thor held up one hand, he could tell that everyone had some kind of comment, but they refrained after a dark look from Thor. Drax simply turned away leaning against the wall with both hands. 

Thor took Peter up to the man’s room, and the human collapsed into his bed pulling the main blanket over the top. Thor turned to leave, but Peter sat up turning around.

“Can you come back? Just sit with me?” He asked. Thor nodded once, and seeming satisfied Peter collapsed back on the bed. Thor stepped out quickly, shutting the door behind him. 

Mantis and Rocket hovered outside the room. Thor suspected that Drax was still sulking on the flight deck, Groot was probably with him. Thoe knew the young tree would never admit it, but this entire thing shook him to his core.

“Is Peter okay? Does he need sleep?” Mantis asked stepping forward her antenna’s quivering, her hands knitted together - no gloves. 

“We need to go to Xandar. He needs….he needs help.” Thor said slowly shutting the door softly so that Peter would not overhear them. 

“What kind of help?” Mantis asked at the same time as Rocket said “Ain’t no help we can’t give him!” 

“I know of a place on Xandar which can provide him the mental help he needs, and he has asked for it.” Thor said quickly, and explanation for Mantis and a brush off of Rocket made in the same breathe.

“Why does he have to go there?” Rocket asked indignantly, still refusing to move from in front of the God of Thunder.

“He’s….he’s suicidal Rocket. He might not have thrown himself off that cliff tonight, but it was a near thing. We cannot...we cannot help him.” Thor said, his voice breaking a little again. The more time that went on the more guilt settled in his chest. He knew that he wasn’t completely to blame for this, but he had a role. 

“This is...this is a mess. A mess. I’ll take us to Xandar.” Rocket said, turning and running his hands over his face. Thor heard him mutter something about ‘stupid flashy promises’, but Thor didn’t ask for clarifcation. The rabbit didn’t volunteer it. 

The blonde man nodded once at Mantis, and she offered him a small shaky smile. He stepped back inside the room to find Peter laying in bed,  zune headphones over his ears, eyes closed. Thor pulled a chair over to the edge, sitting back in it as the ship took off, zooming into space. 

 

************************************************************************************************************

Of the two weeks Peter Quill had spent at Luarkin Memorial Hospital on Xandar there were three things that we could say with certainty that he enjoyed. Number one, free food that was extremely good. Number two, he had been able to spend hours listening to songs on the Zune that he’d hadn’t had time for before. Number three, there was nobody around to bother him or confuse him. Everyone had reached out, tried to stop by, but he had refused to see everyone. He wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or shame or something else. But he didn’t want to see them. He still had two more full weeks of voluntary commitment left, and he’d see them after that.

Which brought him to the number one thing he did not like about Luarkin Memorial Hospital. The therapy. When he asked for this he wasn’t sure what exactly he was asking for, maybe to be pumped full of meds until he didn’t feel anything anymore. What he got was intensive therapy trying to unfurl and fix all his ‘issues’. Mom issues, dad issues, foster dad issues, and centrally dead girlfriend issues. 

That was an improvement his therapist told him - that he ‘admitted and recognized’ that  Gamora was gone - that those thoughts no longer sent him into a spiral of panic. It had been...work. Lots of deep breathing and focus on the facts. Fact, Gamora’s soul had been sucked into the soul world. Fact, the soul world was contained in the soul stones. Fact, the soul stone that contained Gamora had been destroyed. Fact, Gamora was dead.

That had been the easy part. The hard part was realizing that all of his earlier trauma had lead to his inability to handle this. That Gamora’s death had been the straw that had broken him.

“Peter?” Dr. Rian, the Xandarian doctor asked trying to get his focus back. He looked up from his hands which were clenched in his lap.

“Can you repeat the question?”  He asked leaning forward, his brown eyes boring into

hers. He knew the question was about his mother - a topic he wasn’t a fan of under normal circumstances, let alone these. Dr. Rian leaned forward maintaining eye contact - he’d quickly learned that managing deflection was one of her better skills. 

“Why have you never even considered visiting your mother’s grave?” She asked again, and Peter’s eyes shifted. His entire chest tightening again. Fact, he had run away when his mother flatlined. Fact, he was the reason his mother died. Fact, he’d been kidnapped and had been to Earth once since then. 

“It’s not that I haven’t considered it, it’s just…” Peter trailed off. Trying to come up with a good reason, beyond just being afraid. Of not wanting to face it. 

“Remember what we talked about - honesty. You don’t have to pretend I will never judge you.” Dr. Rian said as she saw Peter floundering. 

“I don’t know. She...I want to remember her as she was. Alive.” Peter said. Rian made to talk again and he cut her off. “I know she’s dead. But the gravestone makes it more finate.”

“I know we’ve talked about it before, but avoidance...avoidance is the reason you drink. We’ve talked about Gamora, we’ve talked about Yondu, we’ve talked about Ego. Why is your mother the one topic you hold on to?” Dr. Rian said, leaning back in her chair hands clasped in her lap. Peter thought about it for a few seconds, also leaning back in his chair.

This was what he didn’t like about this.Sure it was easy to recognize that he had issues, his father had tried to use him as a battery, his adopted father had threatened to eat him for years, and his girlfriend had been ripped from his arms and subsequently murdered.However all of these people had their own issues that culminated in situations that caused his issues with them. Ego had wanted to take over the world, Yondu hadn’t known how to parent, and Gamora had served a psychopath for years. 

But Meredith Quill? What had she done but get caught up in things she’d never understood? Then been the victim of a madman killing her slowly? And now  _ he  _ had issues because  _ she  _ died? She’d never deserved any of it. 

“How can I justify having issues because she died? She was a  _ victim _ . I’ve been responsible for so many people’s death’s - Yondu, Gamora, but she was the first, the most innocent.”  __ Peter said quickly, standing up and pacing in front of the chair. Dr. Rien didn’t say anything watching him as he continued to talk the whole sorry thing spilling out. “Yondu and Gamora weren't innocent - God knows I loved them, but they weren’t innocent. I can at least rationalize that I’m not 100% to blame…”

“Even if you are, even if you played a tiny part you need to rationalize that, and  _ move on _ . None of these people would want you to spend the rest of your life trapped in your own head - blaming yourself.” Dr. Rien said forcefully, her voice louder then normal.

“That’s easy to say - harder to do.” Peter said, giving her one of his signature roguish smiles, with perhaps less impact then normal as his hair was a mess. As it was, she didn’t respond - she never responded when he did stuff like that, another deflection tactic she called it. 

“I need you to try to recognize that you were as much Ego’s victim as your mother was. You were as unwilling and innocent as she was.” Dr. Rien said, her voice still steady. That was something he respected in her - no matter how wild his stories were she took everything in stride. Normally it would bother him - but in this situation, when he was trying to repair his mind, he didn’t have time for explanations. But him? A victim? That left a sour taste in his mouth - that despite everything he’d done he was still weak. Still as much a human as the day he had been ripped up from that field. 

“Somehow that makes it even more unbearable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think in the comments, positive, negative. I want to hear it.  
> I'd try to tell you when the next chapter is, but I don't have another day off until next Tuesday so your guess is as good as mine. (I will try to have it up in the next two weeks I promise)


	4. Guilt

Thor watched from the entrance as Peter walked into the facility - two people on either side of him. He’d stood by the man as he’d signed all the paperwork, but Quill hadn’t even looked at him. He’s given a small, shallow nod, eyes downturned, before turning and leaving. 

And Thor knew that he hadn’t intended it - but it made him feel worse. It made him feel that, more than ever he had made a horrific misstep. That hadn’t just hurt him - but people he cared about.

Peter - broken in his grief, Thor had filled his head with false hope. Rocket - resentful, Thor hadn’t listened. Drax - angry, Thor had belittled all his losses. Mantis - the most innocent, scared her with his turmoil, made it so she couldn’t stand to even brush against him in the hall.

Thor sank down outside the building hands on either side of his head. He had come with them in hopes of… he didn’t even know anymore. It was about not being who he was supposed to be, but who he wanted to be? But who did he want to be? Certainly not this person that screwed over everyone he was involved with.

After two minutes he stood up - taking a deep breathe and refocusing his thoughts. Losing himself in pity again wouldn’t do - he’d done what he could to fix this. Yet, if he couldn’t even be a part of a rag-tag group of mercenaries - cleaning up the mess he’d started in the first place, then what was he worth? 

Thor didn’t go back to the Bentar.

***************************************************************************

It was three weeks later when she found him. Taking odd jobs on a planet a few jumps from Xandar. She appeared after the battle like a reigning angel at the entrance of the ravine, after Thor had dispatched some more...hooligans causing trouble. “What are you doing here?” Thor asked, Stormbringer dropping to his side as Brunnhilde came walking towards him. It was surprising to see the Queen of Asgard - well not with the asgardians.

“I could ask you the same question, why’d you run off from your new friends?” The Valkyrie asked as she came to a halt at his side. Thor looked away, not meeting her eyes. She knew him well enough to be able to see the truth in them.

“Yes well it was a little boring traveling with them for my tastes you know how I love -” Thor started to say a smile flickering across his face, before she cut him off with a look.

“Rocket called Banner, and Banner called me. Surprised with all that happened not to find you at the bottom of a bottle.” Brunnhilde said, putting a hand on Thor’s shoulder, he found that with that their it was hard to break the eye contact. Therefore she must have seen the pain that flashed across his face.

“Yes, well. As you can see I’m doing fine - so feel free to return to New Asgard - I’m sure you are greatly missed.” Thor said, finally managing to jerk out of her grip, and turn away - heading back up the ravine.

“They miss you Thor - they’re worried.” She called out behind him, making him freeze. He looked down at his hands, tightening them all he realized they were shaking.

“Yes, well I ruin everything I touch so going back there really isn’t the best idea for anyone involved.” Thor said forcefully, hurt and anger leaching into his voice, as he slammed Stormbringer into the ground.The ground shook causing lots of squawking as bird-like creatures in the nearby trees flew off squawking into the air. “See?” Thor said bitterly with a laugh as the Valkyrie walked up next to him again.

“Thor...I really can’t handle anymore dramatics from you for at least the next 100 years.” She said, crossing her arms across her chest. “You messed up, you feel terrible, don’t wallow again.” 

“Well this is wallowing, because I deserve to wallow. I don’t deserve to be a part of their family.” Thor said shortly, shrugging her off again, and continuing to walk up the hill. 

“Why do you always think that you deserve to be miserable?” The Valkyrie called, and that made Thor freeze. Because he didn’t think he deserved to be miserable - he  _ knew  _ he deserved to be miserable. It was his fault the snap occurred - so he had made himself miserable. It was his fault Peter Quill was a mess - he deserved to be alone.

“I ruined him. Do you understand that? He was fine and I entered his life again and filled his head with promises that I wouldn’t keep, and I ruined him.” Thor snapped turning around to face his friend. “So I think that I quite deserve to wallow - I deserve to be unhappy, I decidedly don’t deserve to be reunited with the Guardians.”

            The women let out a long sigh the expression on her face not changing. “You were trying to help. They don’t blame you-“ she started to say, and he could tell she was becoming exasperated. Soothing reassurances had never been her strong suit. 

           “Well they should.” Thor said cutting her off, his voice sounding hollow and flat. 

           “He wants to see you. He refuses to see anyone else- he asked for you.” She said after a few seconds. “Banner told me not to tell you - said it was manipulation, but Peter Quill asked for you.” Thor froze, his entire body going stiff. If he asked for him, maybe that meant that the situation wasn’t as dire as it had seemed.

 

***********************

         Brunnhilde had taken him back on her ship - Thor had been basically hitchhiking across the galaxy. He couldn’t sit still pacing back and forth on the flight deck. Did Quill want to beat him up? Kick him off the team? Thor couldn’t imagine he seeked anything other than vengeance - but since he’d caused the other man so much pain it was only right that he came when he was asked. 

The only thing that puzzled him was that Banner thought that it would be a manipulation for her to tell him that Peter Quill had asked for him. It wasn’t as if they meant something to each - anything more  than friends that is. There was a time, a few moments where Thor had envisioned that it might be something more - but the last three weeks had made him realize that there wasn’t anything. Thinking that there was, well that was only going to lead to disappointment. Anything that Peter Quill had done - that kiss, sleeping in his bed - had been done out of drunken grief. Thor could have been anyone.

It was a few hours when they arrived at the hospital. Thor paused a few steps away from the entrance when he realized that Brunnhilde was no longer next to him. “Aren’t you coming?” He asked, glancing back at her.

“No. Only here to make sure you actually go in.” She said, hands crossed across her chest. Thor gave her a small crooked smile - if he had any intention of not going in he wouldn’t have gone with her in the first place. Thor didn’t respond - walking into the hospital.

 

******************************

Peter sat on the edge of the bed worrying his Zune between his thumbs. He’d tried to listen to it more then once this morning, but kept putting it down. He’d reached out to ask to see Thor. He needed a favor. It had taken two days - making him wonder what the god had been up to, but this morning they had let him know that he was on his way.

He needed someone to come with him to see his mother - he couldn’t go through with it unless he had some kind of push. And since Thor had already seen him at arguably the lowest point of his entire short life he seemed the most reasonable choice. Also he had some apologizing to do. Then like his thoughts had summoned Thor, there was a quiet, almost hesitant knock at the door.

Peter opened it slowly, and there he was - wearing his armor, sans cape. A smile split Peter’s face, and he stepped aside gesturing for Thor to enter the small room. “Thanks for coming...I know I wasn’t the best to you.” 

The other man hesitantly entered the room, looking around - almost as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Peter didn’t miss the wariness on his face.

“It is I who owes you an apology - in truth I….”Thor trailed off, turning to face Peter looking down at his hands. Peter waited a second to see if the other man was going to continue the thought, but Thor seemed more determined to stare down at his hands. 

“No man, you don’t owe me anything...I….I’m here because of you.” Peter said forcing the words out. It was hard for him to admit - how close he’d come. How at the time the only answer seemed to be at the bottom of that cliff. Because he blamed himself - for Thanos killing her. So if only seemed fair that he die to just have a chance, a fraction of a chance of her living. Now he realized that was insanity, for one he couldn't blame himself for the actions of a madman, for another him  dying could have very easily changed nothing.

“As the cause of your suffering I think I deserve a punch in the face, rather than a thank you.” Thor said in that low grave voice that drove Peter insane - that made Thor sound like he blamed himself for the world's problems. Rocket had told him a little about what had happened during ‘the dust’. He knew that Thor blamed himself for everything that had happened - restoring everyone to life had only lifted a little of that crushing guilt.  

“Man, you didn’t do anything - I, I’ve felt that….’crushing desperation’ as my therapist called it since before I even met you. You were tryin’ to help - I can’t blame you for that, never did.” Peter said, the words coming out a bit awkwardly and he rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “And stop using that self-pity the world is on fire voice. It annoys the shit out of me.” Peter continued briskly, trying to turn the conversation less morose.  He walked up to Thor putting a hand on his shoulder. The dod raised his eyes, mismatched ones meeting Peters. Peter tried to ignore the jump in his chest, and forget the last time their faces had been so close.

“Why did you ask me here?” Thor asked after a few seconds, and Peter felt that the other man didn’t quite believe that the events of the cliff weren't directly caused by him. But part of Peter felt that wasn’t really his problem. The other part wanted to convince the man that nothing was his fault. Peter just decided to leave it.

“I need someone to come with me to my mother’s grave, and you seemed the least likely to badger me with questions.” Peter said, his mouth curving into a smile as he held eye contact with Thor. The other man didn’t say anything, but after a few seconds his mouth curved into a smile as well. 

“Well that’s certainly something I can assist with, shall we?” Thor said, gesturing with one hand out the door, as he sidesteps Peter’s hand.

“How exactly are we planning on getting there?” Peter says, as they emerged from the building. Thor looks around - realizing that Brunhilde has disappeared to gods know where - probably thinking that this little meeting was going to take longer then it had. 

“Well, I shall summon the Bifrost.” Thor said after a short pause. He glanced over at Peter, realizing the man had a look of doubt on his face.

“Is that...safe?” He asked after a few seconds. “Stuck in a rainbow tunnel catapulting through space doesn’t seem, well responsible.” Peter said, his voice becoming sheepish. Thor gave him a wide smile. He held out a hand invitingly, and after a short pause Peter returned his smile and took it. 

Thor held out his other hand, summoning Stormbringer, the axe flew into his hand. In one fluid motion the god pulled Peter tight against him. “Hold on.” He said firmly, feeling Peter tense up. The other man gave him another hesitant smile. Thor, looked up his own smile still curving his lips. 

With another gesture he summoned the bifrost, and held Peter tight against him as they were sucked up into the sky. It felt like mere moments and then were landing in a grassy field Peter clinging tightly to Thor while the other man’s grip had loosened. 

“What the hell?” Peter asked dropping his arms and stumbling away. He put his hands on his knees shaking his head from the sudden shift in pressure. They were standing at the outskirts of a small field, in the distance Peter could see a fenced in area - he wasn’t sure what was beyond it.

“See, perfectly safe.” Thor said a wide grin on his face as he walked over, patting Peter on the back. He looked around trying to ascertain their location. “The bifrost will have taken us near our desired location - much more efficient then just wandering around Midguard.” Thor said, still looking around. Peter was still bent over taking deep breaths. “Are you alright?” 

“Yeah.” Peter said, straightening up, but his voice still sounding strained. “Just not used to this. Guessing the cemetery is that way?” Peter asked, turning until he saw the gated area in the distance. Thor didn’t even get a chance to reply, before the other man was walking swiftly towards the fence. It was at that moment Thor realized he wasn’t wearing his jacket.

“What’s the hurry?” Thor asked, speeding up until he was walking next to Peter again. The other man glanced over at him, and then glanced away with a sigh.

“Sooner I get this over with the sooner I can get out of the hospital. Get back to the team. Make other amends.” Peter said quickly, as they reached the fence line. He looked left and then right, before spotting the gate.

“No one blames you for what happened.” Thor said, keeping pace with the human. Peter laughed at that glancing over at the God.

“From what I understand the team hasn’t seen you since you dropped me off.” Peter said, pausing as he surveyed the rows of graves. “IT doesn’t matter. We have more than one thing to talk about.” Peter said with a sigh, glancing back at Thor. The other man didn’t say anything looking down at his hands. 

“I’ll start on this side.” Thor said instead of responding, heading off away from Peter. Peter pushed away the small twinge of guilt he felt - he’d have to fix that later. Find out what was going on in Thor’s head.

Peter walked along the tombs, scanning each name, feeling his stomach deepen with nervousness the more names he look at. What if Stormbringer was wrong? What if his mother wasn’t even here? 

“Quill!” Thor said, calling from a few rows up and to the left. He was staring at a grave. Peter looked up moving quickly towards the other man. He watched as Thor, looked over at the grave on the left side. When Peter got there Thor was bent over, laughs shaking his form, hands on his knees.

“What’s so funny-” Peter started to say, eyes on just his mother’s grave, but then he glanced over at the grave Thor’s eyes were on.

 

_ Peter Jason Quill _

_ 1980 - 1988 _

_ Beloved Nephew, Grandson and Son _

“You’re dead!” Thor choked out, around another laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this chapter was worth the wait, but it's what I have so here you go. Let me know what you think. :)


	5. Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look it's a chapter I actually like!

“Stop it! It’s not that funny!” Peter said, lightly smacking the other man on the shoulder, Thor was wiping tears out of his eyes at this point, and Peter just crossed his hands over his chest.

“I know, I know. I apologize.” Thor said, sucking in some more air, and wiping the last tears out of his eyes. “I will give you some time.” Thor said, straightening up, and walking over to a tree a respectable distance away from the grave. Peter watched as the man swung Stormbreaker around, implanting it in the ground, another smile dancing across his lips. He took a deep breath kneeling next to the grave.

“Hey mom, it’s me. Star-Lord, Peter, I know it’s been awhile, but I’m here now.” Peter swallowed heavily, his eyes moving across the grave,  _ Meredith Quill _ , taking in the fact that here was the proof of his mother’s death. She really wasn’t still in that hospital bed, coding, she had actually died. “I - I wrote this letter for you. My therapist made me - that’s a whole other story. Said I had to deliver it if I wanted to leave. And I want to leave - so here I am.” 

Quill took another breath, laying the paper on the stone. He put one hand on the side of it, also caressing the grave. “I - I’ll try to come back. I promise. That’s Thor who came with me by the way - he’s a friend. Or a something.” Peter stood up at that, running one more hand over the top. For some reason he didn’t feel like crying - it didn’t feel painful. If anything it felt like a giant weight had been taken off his chest. Peter walked over to where Thor was, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Ready?” Thor asked, doing what Peter knew he would do. Not asking questions. Not pushing. Recognizing that Peter was done. He nodded, and Thor stood up. He wasn’t sure who grabbed who’s hand, but in a few seconds they were whirling up into space, zooming back towards Xandar.

 

********************************************************

_ Mom, _

_ I guess I’m writing to tell you what happened. The truth. You see I finally found my father - or he found me. And he wasn’t a hero - he wasn’t the person we both built him up to be in our heads. He took you away from me, and he wanted to use me the same way he used you. As a stepping stone for more power.  _

_ I’m seeing someone who is telling me that your death ‘damaged me’, and you know what maybe it did. And I had to learn that isn’t necessarily your fault. I blame you for dying - but that’s okay. It doesn’t change the fact that I love you. So there’s that. _

_ I have another family now - not a proper one. A rag-tag band of mercenaries, which includes a talking racoon, a tree, a mutate, and a chick with antennas. And I guess the literal god of thunder. He’s supposed to be King of Asgard - not sure what really happened there. I’ve realized he’s a little screwed up. Just like me.  _

_ So I guess what I’m saying is that we were both victums. And that hurts - it kills me. I protected myself, but I couldn’t save you. But I was a kid, and I didn’t know. And I guess that has to be okay. _

_ I love you.  _

 

_ -Peter  _

 ********************************************************   
  
They landed in front of the hospital, Peter released Thor’s hand within five seconds, looking around as several people’s eyes were on them. Thor didn’t seem bothered, but he released Peter’s hand the second the pressure stopped.

“When will you return to the ship?” Thor asked, looking over at Peter. The god twisted his hands together, looking at the ground again. For the first time Peter realized how  _ different  _ this Thor was, even from the one that had first joined their team two months ago. He was going to have to do something about that. 

“Just a few more days - go back. They’ll understand.” Peter said, placing a hand on the other man’s shoulder. He couldn’t remember the last time - if ever he had put a hand on the other man while being in his right mind. Thor looked up, giving his wry half smile that Peter loved.

“Okay, okay.” Thor said, taking a deep breath. Peter released his shoulder, giving him a smile in return. Thor watched as the other man walked into the hospital again, this time looking back and giving a half wave. It reminded him of the last time he had watched Peter Quill walk inside - this time it was better. It made him feel more like he had done the right thing. And somehow this entire thing, this mess, had made them into friends. Peter no longer hated him - and Thor no longer felt like he had to fix anything. 

 

************************************************************************************************************

When Thor arrived back at the Bentar he found it where he had left it. The Guardians hadn’t left, they’d just been staying on this planet - waiting. Not for the first time Thor realized how much they truly considered themselves a family. They squabbled and fought and acted like they drove each other crazy. But Thor saw how much they cared.

“Thor?” A soft voice asked as he entered the ship stepping up onto the bridge. Mantis was sitting at the table,a cup of some kind of warm liquid in front of her. Thor turned a smile, a real smile spreading across his face. 

“Hello Mantis.” Thor said, placing one hand sheepishly behind his head. “I have decided to stop my sulking, and return.” Thor said, looking around for the others.

“They aren’t here - they went to get more supplies, and to try and see Peter again.” Mantis said her voice low and grave. 

“Ah, well I have just seen him, he is going to be released in the next few days and shall return to the ship posthaste. I believe he misses you all.” Thor said, walking around the edge. Mantis was watching him with wide eyes. 

“Peter has refused to see any of us. For weeks.” Mantis said her voice low and sad. Thor realized that this...incident had an effect on all of them. Not just him. “What is between you two?” Mantis asked suddenly her eyes shooting up to study Thor’s face.

Thor’s mind flashed back to that drunken kiss, feeling Peter sob in his arms, the other man pressed against him, and the warm reassuring pressure of Peter’s hand in his. What were they to each other, friends? That’s all he’d ever be to Peter Quill, and he was surprised that that fact stung a little. 

“We’ve become friends - I have helped him during a particularly difficult time.” Thor said slowly, trying to make up for the long pause. Mantis stood up nodding a little, like that answer satisfied her, Thor turned looking up towards the flight deck, and then he felt her hand on the back of his arm. 

“You care for him!” Mantis gasped, and Thor jerked forward, yanking his arm away. 

“No, no I don’t, only in a strictly platonic way!” Thor said whirling around, putting his hands up defensively. Mantis looked at him with those wide disbelieving eyes. “You just got a glimpse, you don’t really know.”

“I have seen flashes for weeks, every time I touched- I did not know what they were, they were buried under so much self-despair, but now I do.” Mantis said, still standing the the sam position. Thor didn’t say anything his face hardening. He turned leaving the room - heading back down to the cargo hold where his things remained. The first thing he saw was that blasted machine. Still no results. Of course no results - the entire experiment was pointless. And it had pushed Peter over the edge.

Thor took a deep breath, and then another. Then he held out his hand, hearing Stormbreaker whirl through the ship. The axe slammed into his hand, and then in the next second he swung it down, smashing the machine into a million pieces. He released all the tension that he was holding in his chest, and then slumped to the ground head in his hands.

He thought he was past this - for a few hours he thought he was past this. But now that he was alone it just all came flooding back - that he was a colossal idiot. Again. And now Mantis has spoken this thing that he didn’t want to think about. Because Peter Quill was in love with Gamora, he’d always be in love with her. Because they would have spent the rest of their lives together it cruel fate hadn’t ripped them apart. So here he was - pinning for Peter Quill. Possibly one of the only people that he’d never have.

And he’d been doing  _ so well _ he had joined the guardians, he’d cut back on drinking, he’d started actually fighting and been useful again. And then he’d fucked up Peter Quill - whom had forgiven him. But did that matter if he didn’t forgive himself? Thor wasn’t sure.

Thor walked back up to the deck, past Mantis. 

“I’ll be back later.” Thor said shortly, only slightly noticing that she had one hand on her forehead - beating herself up.

“Thor I apologize!” 

“I’m fine - don’t trouble yourself.” 

*********************************************************************************

The door creaked open and Thor heard the person he was seeking putting some things down muttering to themselves. Some heavy footsteps and then the light in the living room flicked on, and the person gasped, finally seeing Thor laying on the couch, shoes and everything all over the cushions.

“Thor! What the hell?” Bruce said, hand on his chest, green form still frozen in the doorway in shock.

“Hello Bruce.” Thor said, hands behind his head looking up at the ceiling. “I am finding myself quite...lost again.” Bruce gave a heavy sigh at that, sitting on the floor in front of Thor - seeing as a God was taking up all of the couch - leaving shoe prints on the couch mind you.

“Thor it’s been six months - everyone came back, I know that it’s hard but we fixed it, it’s over, it’s -” Bruce started to say diplomatically, waving his hands around in an effort to try and make the other man understand - again.

“This isn’t about the snap. This is about Peter Quill.” Thor said cutting the other man off, still staring up at the ceiling. “I’ve realized that I care for him - more than I should, and I broke him. And he forgave me - but he should not have.” Thor said quickly, his voice quiet and higher than normal. Bruce didn’t say anything mouth slightly open in surprise.

“You like guys?” He said after a few seconds - shocked. The only person he’d ever know Thor to even been remotely interested it was Jane Foster. Aside from mild flitations - with women.

“I’m almost 2000 years old - I like everything, always have.” Thor said casually, this questions seemingly briefly taking his mind off his ‘torment’. “This is beside the point - I care for him, he will never care for me, and now that I’ve realized this I don’t think I can look at him.”

“Well, you were trying to help, and he knows that. Thor what happened - it was a long time coming. It was coming before you even joined them. Before the snap.”  Bruce said slowly - he’d heard the stories. All of them, about erratic Peter Quill, so called ‘Star-Lord’, throwing the fate of the galaxy away over just pure anger - desperation. If anything Peter Quill reminded him of what Thor had done - fallen into a pit with no idea how to crawl out. Thor had responded to that my drinking his health and sanity away, to drown his sorrow. Peter Quill had tried to throw himself off a cliff, to try and get this Gamora back. There was a time when Bruce would have been tempted to do the same for Natausha.

“Are you certain?” Thor asked, still in that low, broken voice that Bruce hated. He missed the Thor from before - he missed the Thor he’d known before everything had happened. He’d been - different.

“Yes, man, please, just ask him what happened. You can handle it - please forgive yourself. If you need me, come back. I won’t let you fall again, okay?” Bruce said, reaching out one giant scarred hand to place on Thor’s shoulder. And for the first time in years, Bruce saw a small genuine smile on the other man’s face.One that wasn’t fueled by alcohol. 

 

**************************

Thor went back to the Bentar. This time the other guardians were there. They greeted him with careful nods, not really saying much. Thor took a deep breath preparing to talk and make conversation when Rocket cut him off.

“You don’t have to say anything man - we get it. I get it.” Rocket said waving his hand, telling Thor he could go. He scanned the other’s, Groot was playing on his game, but he shot a concerned look Thor’s way. Drax was giving him a steely look. Mantis was looking down at her hands - Thor hoped he could  trust her to keep what she had - stolen, taken? - from his head to herself. 

Thor gave Rocket a small nod to acknowledge his words, but he walked over to Drax. He came to a halt, meeting the fighter’s eyes with his own.

“I owe you an apology. It is not fair to compare ones own loss with another’s - you have lost as much as any of us.” Thor said quietly, and Drax, gave a nod, his eyes softening. If only all apologies were as easy as this one.

Thor gave the other’s a small smile before he turned headed to the stairs.

“Quill will be back by the end of today.” Rocket called, causing Thor to pause at the top of the stairs. Thor nodded once - mostly to himself.

“Tell him that I need to speak with him.” Thor said, glancing back slightly.

 

********************************************************************************************************

When Peter arrived back at the ship - in the place he expected it, the same place it had been when he left he didn’t know what to expect. Knowing his friends he wasn’t sure if he would be met with endless questions, beratement, and actual sympathy.That was one of the reasons why he had put off seeing them all until this moment. The other reason was he owned everyone an apology for scaring the ever-living crap out of them, and he wasn’t quite sure how to put it into words.

What he didn’t expect was to walk up the bridge and immediately find himself enveloped in a hug from Mantis. He wrapped his arms around her after a second of hesitation, after a few seconds she stepped back, a smile still on her face. “We  _ missed  _ you.” She said, likely realizing that part of him was afraid that they didn’t want to see him - that they didn’t care. 

Rocket walked up next, smacking him on the back of the leg, and shaking his head with a sigh of “Idiot.”

Groot gave a happy ‘I am Groot!”, the tree obviously relieved to have a majority of the family back together again. 

Drax just gave Quill a nod at first, his steely eyes boring into the other man. After a few seconds of them holding eye contact the man scoffed. “Don’t be an idiot again Quill.” Rocket smacked Drax on the back of the leg again at that, growling under his breath somewhat. Quill could imagine the conversation he they had before Quill had boarded. 

_ ‘Just don’t be an asshole.’ _

_ ‘But he was an idiot, he must be informed that doing that again is unwise.’ _

_ ‘SAYIN THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF NOT BEIN’ AN ASSHOLE.’  _

“Look, I owe all of you an apology. I was...not well, and I shouldn’t have dragged all of you into my mess. You’re my family, and I promise it won’t happen again. I’ve sorted it.” Peter said, he started the sentence, looking at them, but by the end he was looking at his feet. He didn’t know how long it would take before he didn’t feel ashamed. He shouldn’t feel that way - he knew that. The only one missing was...Thor. And Nebula, but in the recent months she’d become scarcer and scarcer. He’d have been concerned but Nebula was Nebula.

“Where’s Thor?” Peter asked after a few seconds, rescanning the room to make sure the other man wasn’t lurking in some other corner. He didn’t miss the grin that spread across Mantis’s face, he glanced over at her eyebrows furrowed, before turning back to Rocket. 

“Down in the hold. Said he wants to talk to you.” Rocket said quickly, also shooting Mantis a weird look, Peter glanced back over at her, but she was looking down at her feet again, doing that awkward swirl she always did. Peter nodded at Rocket, and then headed down the ladder.

 

**************************************************************************

“Thor?” Peter asked, standing at the entrance to the hold, peeking around the curtain that Thor had hung up sometime in his absence. The area was pitch black, darkening with every second as the sky outside grew darker. Peter heard the other Guardians behind him, dispersing to their own quarters.

“Come in, you can turn on the light.” Thor said from somewhere in the room. Peter stepped inside, the curtain swinging shut behind him. He leaned to the left, pulling on the cord that lit the single light that hung over the space. This revealed Thor sprawled on a mattress between two piles of boxes. The first thing Peter noticed was various items strewn across the space, almost as if someone was putting things away, but stopped halfway through. The second thing he noticed was the ‘so-called’ portal tracker smashed in the corner of the room, Stormbreaker laying next to it - the likely murderer. Normally Thor’s room was very nice and put together.

“You okay dude?” Peter said hesitantly, stepping closer to the edge of the bed. Thor was laying there staring up at the ceiling, he didn’t say anything, prompting Peter to sit at the edge of the bed. He tried to ignore the way his stomach jumped a little. He didn’t know why he felt this way - but he knew for certain nothing would come of it.

“What happened on Titan?” Thor asked after a few seconds. “Bruce, he told me to ask.” Peter felt his stomach drop, plummeting down a cliff, if he was truly ashamed of one things in his life it was what he had down. Sure now he knew that the one way they won depended on his doing what he did, but it still stung. That he has risked everything out of desperation.

“I found out he killed Gamora, and I lost it. I….she was everything to me then, and I lost it.” Peter said slowly, not looking at Thor. Truth, he loved Gamora, truth he would have done anything for her, truth Gamora was never coming back. That truth didn’t sting as much - not after all that therapy. Not after recognizing she had been dead for  _ five years _ . 

Thor sat up at that, so that they were both sitting on the edge of the bed, thighs pressed together. Peter was getting flashbacks to that night, the night where he decided to end it all, but before that, his mouth, hot and heavy against Thor’s. The other man was staring right at him, mismatched eyes boring into his own.

“That night, did you mean it? Or was it the alcohol?” Thor asked, a low voice, and Peter could feel Thor’s breath against his face both of them slowly leaning it. 

“I meant it.” Peter said back a split second later. And he wasn’t sure who started the kiss, all he knew was that in the next second their mouths were pressed against each other. His tongue went into Thor’s mouth first, pushing against it wrestling for dominance.

Thor pressed his hands into Peters back pulling the other man closed against him, Peter pulled back gasping. Thor moved down to his neck, sucking and nipping at the clean flesh. Peter moaned loudly, kicking one leg up, and straddling the other man, pulling his face back to his lips. 

“That answers my question.” Thor said, after a few minutes when they both broke away gasping. “Thought you hated me.” 

“Only a little, and not anymore. Besides, it’s a good motivation.” Peter said with a laugh, pushing the other man down onto the bed. He kissed Thor again, this time more sweetly, hands sliding under the other man’s shirt.

“How far do you want to go?” Thor asked gasping as he felt Peter’s cold hands run across his chest. “Is this okay?” He asked in the same second as he slid his hands into the back of Peter’s jeans.

“Let’s just see how it plays out okay? And don’t worry. I’m not broken. They fixed me.” Peter said starting with a gasp, and ending with a laugh. Truth, he loved Gamora, truth Gamora was dead, truth this was worth exploring. 


End file.
